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HuffPo: “How My Divorce Made Me a Better Mom–Because I Kinda Feel Like I’m a Better Mom”

October 23, 2013

Divorce is good for my kids because me:

I stayed married for a looooong time past the point where I wanted to call it quits. I had a lot of reasons, but they all pretty much boiled down to the fact that all marriages are hard, my religion said I wasn’t supposed to, and my kids. My kids, man! I didn’t want my kids to grow up in a broken home, because, you know, that like totally screws kids up….

I’m here to tell you that my kids are so much happier now than they’ve been the last several years. I know it doesn’t make any sense on paper (on screen?), but these kids are thriving in a way they never did when all four of us were living under one roof.

And I’m so grateful for that, because I took a chance and a leap of faith when I filed for divorce and moved out. I’d had an epiphany one day, and the thought stayed with me until I’d made the decision to leave. I had wanted to stay married so that my kids wouldn’t be “screwed up,” but my marriage was DOA, and all of a sudden I knew they’d be screwed up anyway being raised in that environment. It was a rock and a hard place, but I finally decided that I could at least be the best mom I could be; that wasn’t going to happen while I was focusing all my energy and attention on keeping up pretenses.

And now the kids are cheery as a box of Cheerios!

My 10-year-old daughter said something astonishing to me this morning:

Mom, why do people say divorce is always bad? Our lives are better now.

Except for, um:

To be fair, I will mention that not everything has been peachy keen as the dust has been settling. Emotions are still raw all around, and she and her sister have cried a time or two or 27 over the fact that their parents aren’t together anymore.

So why the split-up?

I would rather still be married. I know my ex would too. But he and I had very different ideas about what we wanted out of our relationship, our family life, our religion, and heck, even just life in general.

Uh, if they had such different ideas about marriage, family life and religion, shouldn’t they have discovered that before they tied the knot and produced offspring? Isn’t there this thing called dating?

Finally, some deductive logic girl-style:

Yes, I’ve read the studies and know that, statistically speaking, kids do better growing up with both a mother and a father present in the home. I also know that one out of every five people on the planet are Chinese, so statistically speaking, if I have five children, one will randomly be Chinese.









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