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Feminist thought police slams women lawyers for advising against cleavage in the office

October 26, 2013

Yes, it’s now “sexist” for an older woman to tell a younger woman that she ought to dress professionally while making presentations to clients and avoid inserting “um” and “like” between every other word. Hence this tirade by lawblog Above the Law’s resident nag Staci Zaretsky over a five-page memo from the Women’s Committee at the international law Clifford Chance containing tips for young female associate lawyers on how to make a better impression.

Zaretsky turned on the sarcasm faucet:

From origination credit to salary wars to leadership opportunities, it is usually the men who are accused of pushing women two steps back in the Biglaw regime. But today, we’ve got insider information on some alleged woman-on-woman crime. This time, it is the women who are ripping their female colleagues to shreds. And it’s not just any women; no, it’s the members of the firm’s Women’s Committee who are doing the damage, and trust us when we say that these cats have claws.

***

We’ve listed some of the most ridiculous “tips for women” here, along with our commentary:

“Like” You’ve got to Lose “Um” and “Uh,” “You Know,” “OK,” and “Like.”
– Um, Clifford Chance, do you think that women associates are like, uh, valley girls?

Use a relaxed, open throat, breathe from the abdomen & keep your mouth open.
– Ladies, please remember to thank your firm for these excellent blow-job tips.

Think Lauren Bacall, not Marilyn Monroe.
– Because the goal in Biglaw is to sound like an older woman dripping with sex, not a younger one.

Don’t giggle; Don’t squirm; Don’t tilt your head.
– Don’t act like a teenager. Don’t act like a four-year-old. Don’t act like a confused dog. Got it.

Practice hard words.
– Wrap your tiny female brains around this one (or consult with George W. Bush if you’re having difficulties).

Those are ridiculous tips? Have you ever heard a Millennial, especially a female Millennial, try to speak in public? They can’t. They slur words, speed up so fast that you can’t make out what they’re saying, stumble over words of more than two syllables (Millennials don’t read much), and end every sentence with either the high rising terminal informally known as the “moronic interrogative” or with a volume drift into inaudibility. Female Millennials typically speak in high-pitched, squeaky little-girl voices that probably sounded cute when when they were jabbering in the law-school lounge between classes.

In fact if you take a a look at the memo itself, you’ll see that it actually contains sound and practical advice:

Your friends will still like you afterwards, even if you adopt a more formal tone

***

Wear a suit, not your party outfit

 ***
 No one heard Hillary the day she showed cleavage
But you can’t say anything non-adulatory to women these days without the sexism card being played. A female associate at Clifford Chance whined this to Zaretsky:
[F]emale associates are very upset by not only the elementary nature of the tips themselves, but the suggestion that these would only apply to women. We have never been a very female friendly firm, but this is beyond the pale.
Um, like, you know, If Clifford Chance is so female-unfriendly, like, uh, why is she still working there?
Posted by Charlotte Allen
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