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C’mon–Janay stayed with Ray Rice because she was crazy about him–just like she said

September 17, 2014

Does the woman in this photo look like she’s suffering from “low self-esteem”?

Ray Rice with Janay Palmer (left) and his mother Janet Rice. Video emerged Monday showing Ray Rice's violent attack of Janay Palmer in a casino hotel elevator.
Or does she look proud as hell because she snagged a rich, good-looking alpha male?

How about what listening to what  Janay Rice herself says about how she feels about her husband?

“If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded. . . . Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!”

Look, I’m as opposed to wife-beating (or in this case, fiancee-beating) as the next person. I think that if a man hits his woman, she ought to leave, period and pronto. Because if he hits her once, he’ll hit her again. Better yet, she ought to leave him and then sic her father and/or brothers onto him. I’m of the Sonny Corleone school of dealing with domestic violence.

But this is a gal who married the guy who knocked out her lights. Two weeks after he did it.

And you can armchair-psychoanalize Janay Rice until the cows come home–“low self-esteem,” “he isolated her from her family and friends,” yada, yada–but the fact remains that Janay is staying with Rice because she gets something out of it.

As Kathy Shaidle points out:

What you won’t read in a single #WhyIStayed tweet

“The sex was great #WhyIStayed”

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, “abused women leave a relationship seven times before they permanently cut ties with their abuser.” Right, the guy shows up at the women’s shelter with a big bouquet of roses and a pair of earrings–and two minutes later he’s carrying her suitcase for her as she checks out.

Women find dominant men irresistibly sexy–ever wonder why Fifty Shades of Grey has sold more than 100 million copies? And nothing says dominance–and also drama, which women also love–more succinctly than a fist to the face from a handsome brute. Followed by profuse apologies a little later, of course.
I’m not condoning any of this. I think the NFL was perfectly justified in kicking out Rice for conduct unbecoming an NFL player.

But we might be showing more genuine “compassion” for abused women–and encourage them to leave more convincingly–by telling them honestly about the role their own hormones play in tolerating continued episodes of domestic violence–rather than feeding them pops-psych twaddle about “low self-esteem,” “isolation,” and all that.

Posted by Charlotte Allen

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2 Comments
  1. Hitting women is cowardly and contemptible. If I’d ever hit my wife, she’d have left, period and pronto. It’s no doubt true that most men who hit women once, will do it again. But I think it’s not the universal truth everybody pretends. Rice may very well be embarrassed and ashamed, and has evidently persuaded his wife he’ll never do it again. It’s her call.

    • I wish that couple all the best, of course, and maybe Ray Rice deserves a second (and, I hope, last) chance. It would be pretty bad to be punched in the face twice, though.

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