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“Dear New Miss Manners”: Syndicated etiquette columnist Judith Martin so impressed with Hillary Clinton’s “civility” lecture that she hangs up her white gloves, passes her baton to her

October 10, 2018

 

Photo: Aaron P. Bernstein/Reuters

Andrews McNeels Syndication proudly announces that former First Lady and 2016 Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton has taken over the “Miss Manners” etiquette column from 80-year-old author Judith Martin. After 40 years of dispensing advice on correct behavior for nearly 200 newspapers nationwide, Martin heard Clinton give a stirring speech on “civility” at Georgetown University on Oct. 9 and decided to hang up her white gloves and pass the “Miss Manners” baton on to Clinton, whom she deemed her ideal successor. I’m proud to reproduce Clinton’s inaugural “Miss Manners” column right here in this space:

DEAR NEW MISS MANNERS:  I am 10 years old, and my daddy was just made a justice on the Supreme Court. I wanted to write you because of a mean cartoon about my daddy for a newspaper that made me cry. The cartoon showed me praying by my bed and saying, “God forgive my angry, lying alcoholic father for sexually assaulting Dr. Ford.” I don’t feel that way about my daddy at all, and none of this is true. I think the man who drew that picture was making fun of me for telling my sister we should pray for Dr. Ford. Now I’m mad at that man. What should I do?

GENTLE READER: You cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about. But if we are fortunate enough to win back the House and or the Senate, that’s when civility can start again. But until then, the only thing that the Republicans seem to recognize and respect is strength. New Miss Manners advises you to vote Democratic when you grow up.

DEAR NEW MISS MANNERS: I’ve been retired for a while, and I was driving my car through downtown Portland when I ran into a bunch of people wearing black with masks over their faces and carrying sticks. I’m not very political, but I think they were members of Antifa, that group that attacks conservative speakers who try to give speeches on college campuses. Anyway, they were standing in the middle of the street and directing traffic to go where they wanted the traffic to go so they could protest some kind of police shooting of a guy who brandished a gun at some cops. The Antifa people were yelling at the drivers who wouldn’t obey them with stuff like “white little f–ker” (pardon my French), and they called one driver who had North Carolina plates a “white supremacist” and yelled at him to “go back to North Carolina.” I don’t know where the cops were while all this was going on. They sure seemed out of sight while all these Antifa people were blocking traffic and intimidating people. Then the Antifa people saw me and started chasing my car and throwing things at it. So I stopped the car in the middle of the block to check my car for damage, but a bunch of them started threatening me and hitting my car again, so I jumped back in and got out of there as fast as I could. Later, I read that they had “doxxed” me. That’s what youngsters call releasing my name and personal information about me on Twitter and those kinds of places. They claimed I had hit a protester with my car, and they were comparing me to that guy in Charlottesville, Virginia, who drove his car into a woman and killed her. This ain’t true–I never hit anybody–and now I’m worried about my safety. I don’t know what action to take and wondered if you had any ideas.

GENTLE READER: You cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about. But if we are fortunate enough to win back the House and or the Senate, that’s when civility can start again. But until then, the only thing that the Republicans seem to recognize and respect is strength. New Miss Manners advises you to vote Democratic or get your Medicare cut off.

DEAR NEW MISS MANNERS: I’m a Republican U.S. Senator. The other night I decided to take a break from the tensions of the Kavanaugh hearing by taking my wife out to dinner at a nice Italian restaurant in downtown Washington. We had just sat down at our table, when a bunch of people invaded the restaurant and surrounded our table chanting, “We believe survivors!” I tried to diffuse the tension. When one young woman asked me how I planned to vote on the Kavanaugh confirmation and whether I believed survivors, I answered, “God bless you, ma’am.” But the hecklers wouldn’t stop, and finally my wife and I had to leave the restaurant. I read that Maxine Waters, the California congresswoman, had said, “If you see anybody from [President Trump’s] cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd and you push back on them and you tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere.” What is the correct response to this sort of thing?

GENTLE READER: You cannot be civil with a political party that wants to destroy what you stand for, what you care about. But if we are fortunate enough to win back the House and or the Senate, that’s when civility can start again. But until then, the only thing that the Republicans seem to recognize and respect is strength. New Miss Manners advises you to change your party affiliation to Democratic–or else.

Posted by Charlotte Allen

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