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Frustrated by the Senate, Christine Blasey Ford fans turn to witchcraft: Lighting candles, sticking pins into Brett Kavanaugh dolls

October 11, 2018

Image result for bind kavanaugh image

It’s not too late to get rid of Justice Brett Kavanaugh! Yeah, he was sworn in on Oct. 8, and he’s already hearing arguments in cases from the bench, but there’s one thing that hasn’t been tried yet (or at least tried enough):

Witchcraft.

So–jump onto your brooms, ladies, and hie yourselves on Oct. 20 to the Brooklyn (where else?) bookstore Catland, where this ritual seems designed to ensure that Kavanaugh won’t make it past the Third Monday in October:

Please join us for a public hex on Brett Kavanaugh, upon all rapists and the patriarchy at large which emboldens, rewards and protects them. We are embracing witchcraft’s true roots as the magik of the poor, the downtrodden and disenfranchised and it’s history as often the only weapon, the only means of exacting justice available to those of us who have been wronged by men just like him.

Plus, you can hex not only Kavanaugh but also that boyfriend who just dumped you:

[Kavanaugh] will be the focal point, but by no means the only target, so bring your rage and and all of the axes you’ve got to grind.

And :

There will also be a second ritual afterward – “The Rites of the Scorned One” which seeks to validate, affirm, uphold and support those of us who have been wronged and who refuse to be silent any longer.

“The Rites of the Scorned One.” Well, we all know that hell hath no fury…so watch out, guys who didn’t call the next day!

But witches, be forewarned: A “Bind Kavanaugh Emergency Ritual” that included a black candle, a pin, and a paper doll with a photo of the jurist’s head pasted onto it that occultists were supposed to wrap around the candle just before the Senate’s Oct. 6 confirmation vote…didn’t work. Even thought it contained this super-powerful magic spell:

Say:

I bind you, Brett Michael Kavanaugh
I bind your groping, grasping hands
I bind your leering eyes
I bind your lying mouth

When the paper doll is completely wrapped, tie a knot, binding it to the candle.

Say:

I bind your genitals, that they may fail to bring you pleasure at another’s expense

With the pin or nail, pierce the paper doll’s genital area, embedding the pin or nail in the candle.

Ouch!

There was more:

Say, with increasing intensity:

In the name of Christine Blasey Ford
In the name of Deborah Ramirez
In the name of Julie Swetnick
In the name of all women harmed by men
In the name of truth
In the name of Justice
You are bound!
You shall never sit on the highest court!

Maybe it was that reference to Julie Swetnick that caused the spell to go south.

And just in case Kavanaugh refuses again to get hexed, you can try this candle-centric “solidarity, activism, and healing” ritual described by Vox witchcraft reporter Tara Isabella Burton:

Sit or stand wherever you’re comfortable. Ground yourself and light the candle.
Pour some salt into one hand and hold it gently while you write a thank you to Dr. Ford, something like “Thank you Dr. Christine Blasey Ford for your courage and sacrifice” or even just a simple “I believe you, I support you”. You can make it a sigil if you want.
Now sprinkle your salt over your note, and picture the salt glowing softly, blanketing the paper.
Place your hands just above your salted note, not quite touching it. Close your eyes and picture all your gratitude and loving support pouring from your hands in the form of warm light. Feel its tinglies flowing from your palms and dancing around the note, making the salt sparkle like prisms.
Picture the salt absorbing all of the abuse and threats that Dr. Ford and her family have suffered through this ordeal.
Brush the salt off the note, sweeping all that gross energy away with it.
When you feel you’ve poured all the support you can into the note and cleared all the salt off, picture Dr. Ford seeing it in front of her, reading it, and putting it in her pocket. Stay in this space with her for a few moments or longer.

Then, after the tinglies wear off:

[Y]ou can roll [the note] up and carry it around like a talisman, bury it in one of your houseplants, or add it to a sacred space.

As Michael Hughes of the #MagicResistance, creator of the “Bind Kavanaugh” ritual (which resembled a “Bind Trump” ritual in 2017 that hasn’t worked yet, either), said in an interview with Vox’s Burton:

“I mean, we tried everything….Sit-ins at [Sen. Susan] Collins’s office. … Constantly calling senators. Emailing. Signing petitions. When you’ve exhausted all your tools, and you see the awful people winning, it can lead to despair. … So we need to do things to counter that despair and hopelessness. Ritual is powerful in that respect….”

So hoist yourselves onto those brooms, ladies, and make your way to Brooklyn before Justice Kavanaugh actually writes any opinions.

Posted by Charlotte Allen

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One Comment
  1. Mary Ann permalink

    Hilarious!

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